Bitter sweet

The most weird sensation I've ever felt was when I realized, after being brainwashed for so long, that, despite wanting to make a woman happy, I could never do so without being extremely untrustful of her. As both actions are not meant to be together, I had this bitter taste in my head that maybe I would have to be a bachelor for life.

In fact, I bought a dream. I created a fantasy. In my past world, women were nice. I could trust them. And I surely would have some great moments around them.

Nevermind the harsh reality hit my head like a brick and suddenly I had to really look to myself. Really -- I was a dork. I was not what I could ever possibly be. Scared little bitch.

With change (which is still in progress), came the realization that, although people put up a front of niceness, they still do whatever they want, especially women. They do not have nothing to do with anything they say. To them, it was just words. And the thing that hurt me in the past is now making me free. Painfully free in the beginning.

Now I can see the trees from the forest. Melancholic as it is, it's always better to live reality. And when I realized how things really are and analyzed my past self, I see how duped, how coward I really was. How could I let a woman walk all over me. How could I beg her to be with me. How could I supplicate to someone who would never appreciate me, just because I am supplicating.

Being a man is about being self-sufficient. And the more I live up to this simple sentence, the happier I get. Also, more and more women get interested into me, but I know how they are only thinking about their best interests. I know why I am not going ever to commit for life, as marriage vows are long gone, and how most people are only around you when it suits them.

Bitter at first, liberty at last.